How Lutheran is Your Kantor?

I came across this test yesterday for how cool and metrosexual your worship leader is.

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/03/favorite-post-1-understanding-how-metrosexual-your-worship-leader-is/

I only scored 1 point (2 for having a goatee -1 for wearing a tie on Sunday), which means I’m not a very hip “worship leader”. I decided to put together my own list; How Lutheran is your Kantor? I think I scored better on this one.  How does your Kantor (Lutheran church musician) score?

  1. Owns a two foot high pile of maroon books from Concordia Publishing House +2
  2. Considers “real contemporary” to be a reference to Arvo Pärt. +2
  3. Listens to Chris Tomlin -1
  4. Listens to Ray Boltz -5
  5. Plays the organ.  +4
  6. Listens to organ music for fun. +3
  7. Can recite Luther’s Small Catechism from memory +5
  8. Freely uses the ‘H’ word (Hymnal) +3
  9. Encourages children to use the “H” word. +4
  10. Wears a shirt and tie on Sunday +1
  11. Wears vestments on Sunday +2
  12. Wears vestments that match the church year +4
  13. Forbids food and drink in the choir loft +2
  14. Chugs down a pint of coffee before entering said choir loft +1
  15. Can harmonize a hymn melody using the rules of western music theory +4
  16. Reduces every hymn to three chords because “that’s just too many notes”-1
  17. Drives to work in a $3000 car to play a $300,000 instrument +2
  18. Owns his own incense +3
  19. Finds no humor in the statement “I need to enlarge my organ” +1
  20. Says “Christ is Risen, He is risen indeed! Alleluia!” in everyday speech for forty days after Easter. +1
  21. Calls you on New Year’s to wish you a “Happy Circumcision!” +1
  22. Celebrates a “Christmas in July” service just for fun. -2
  23. Refuses to select any Christmas hymns during Advent. +3
  24. Considers the use of the word “Alleluia” during Lent to be a kind of profanity. +1
  25. Knows what Compline is. +1
  26. Sings Compline to his children at bedtime. +4
  27. Wears his dress socks with shorts on Sunday afternoon because it’s easier that way.  +1
  28. Uses the term “worship experience” -3
  29. Uses the term “Divine Service”+1
  30. Uses the term “Gottesdienst” +3
  31. Cuts every hymn down to two or three stanzas -1 per stanza
  32. Sings every stanza of every hymn +2
  33. Suggests to the Pastor that he shorten his sermon to make room for more stanzas of “O Sacred Head now Wounded” +3
  34. Names the Gospel writers as Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Bach +1
  35. Refers to himself as the worship leader -3
  36. Refers to himself as the steward of the people’s song +3
  37. Uses the words “postmodern” and “emergent” in reference to worship -1
  38. Uses the word “emergent” in the following way: “I looked at the ulcer and was alarmed by the emergent puss”.  +1
  39. Thinks they should have called Twitter “Nachtigal” +1
  40. When Yoda says, “The force be with you”, he thinks “He forgot to extend his arms in the appropriate liturgical gesture!”. +1

Bonus: Finds the error in #20 and writes the author an e-mail gently pointing it out.  +5

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4 thoughts on “How Lutheran is Your Kantor?

  1. Hello there!

    I’m in my senior year here at Concordia University Nebraska in the Parish Music program and pre-Deaconess program.

    Your blog was mentioned this morning during Hymnody class with Dr. Herl at CUNE. I think he was surprised I knew what he was referring to before he shared about it. Just thought you would enjoy knowing that. I had seen the link mentioned in Andrew Ratcliffe’s FaceBook status.

    Great list and great blog.
    Joy in Jesus,
    Jennette Morrison

      1. Oh yeah, most definitely provided time to laugh. I caught Dr. Blersch later in the day and told him I had seen the blog and it was great to see/hear his reaction! Thanks!

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